There's An Alphabet On Your Head 

Written by Wendy Buss © 2019

(Work In Progress)

The Illustrations

The right illustrations will be a major key in the appeal of this book.The story takes place inside a posh hat salon.Inside this lush interior are  ornate guilt mirrors ,plush red carpets,elegant sofas and red velvet drapes with gold trim and tassles ,There are greek statues used as hat stands and ostentatious flower arrangements in giant vases. There are hats everywhere, of every sort, as far as the eye can see bowlers, toppers, panamas, akubras ,caps, bonnets, derbys fascinators,neatly lining the walls, hung on elegant hat stands and mannequins The illustrations should reflect the mad cap over the top zaniness of the text.

The salesman is also equally elegant with slicked back oily hair, long twirly moustache and an ingratiating smile showing oversized teeth and constantly bowing.The customer is rotound with a self important air He’s eccentric but also full of joie de vivre … 

The customer an androgynous cheeky lively looking character with flyaway hair big eyes and a big smile is in the market for a new hat…. He is in the markket for a new hat and the salesman is dedicated to finding him exactly the hat he is looking for.  

There’s an Alphabet On Your Head

Salesman:
Welcome to Harold’s House of Hats .May I help you ?

Customer:
I certainly hope so for you see
I need a hat a hat for me
This hat is old This hats’ a bore I do not like  this hat no more  need a hat to greet the SpringA happy zingy happenin thing !!

Salesman:
The look no further .You’ve come to the
right place 
At Harold’s we have 10’000 hats or more.
Hats from the ceiling to the floor
Big hats,small hats,
High hats,low hats .
Shy ‘pass me by’ hats,
Sassy razzle dazzle ‘ knock em in the aisle’
Hats for breakfast, lunch and tea
Hats as far as the eye can see

Customer:
Yes indeed I see I see !
But which will be the hat for me ?
You see I want a groovy hat.
A top o’ the morning ter ya hat.
A hat for twirling in the air,
A hat for wearing for a dare
A hat for wearing without a care.
A hat to make the ladies swoon,
A hat for flying to the moon.
A hat for frolicking in spring,
A hat that makes the birdies sing.
A hat for walking tall and proud,
A hat for standing out in crowds.
A hat to banish away the ‘sads’
A hat to make the heart feel glad.
So my my good man as  you can see,
A special hat is what I need.

Salesman:
Ah yes, I see, of course I do!
Harold’s will have a hat for you.
Follow me Sir right this way,
That  special hat we’ll find today 

Our latest range has just arrived from Gay Paris

Allow me to present to you ‘The Alphabet Collection’

Sir take a look as you can see

We have many hats from A-Zee,
Let’s try some on Sir, Allow me!

How about an Aussie Akubra for having action adventures with Alligators ?

A Beehive honey hat is best for bubble bathing with bears  

Consider a Cockatoo candelabra for cha cha chaing with a Cheshire cat,

 

A Ducky Daisy Derby is dandy for dallying with ducks

An Exotic Emerald Hat is exactly the thing for entertaining elephants

Or how about a Flashy Fantasy Fascinator fabulous for flirting with fireflies

A Ten Gallon weston is great for galloping around on giraffes

A Hard Helmet helps when hip hopping with Hippos.

An Iridescent Indian Headbands is in ‘for intriguing  iguanas

A jolly Jellybeanie is just right for jetsetting with jolly  jumbucks

You have to have a kooky kipper cap for kissing and canoodling with cute kittens 

A La di-da Lavender Lampshade for limboing with lovely ladies.

A Magic Merlin Hat is just made for mooching in the moonlight with mermaids

A Nightie Night Cap is neat for napping and nattering with newts .

Some Optical Ocean Goggles are ok for oggling octupi

A Pink Piggy Tail Panama is perfect for pollywollydoodling with
Politicians

A Querulous Quail hat is quite the thing for quarrelling with
Queens

Rainbow Ribbon hats are just right for Rockin and Rollin with
Rhinos

A Sassy Sombrero is super for sipping sarsaparilla with sleepy sloths

A Tall Topper is tops for tap dancing with tarantulas

An Umbrella Hat is useful for unicycling with unicorns .

We have Velvet Vanity Hats for vamping with Venetians or vampire bats 

A Wet Weather Sou’wester works well for whale watching .

An Xray vision hat is excellent  for examining Xmas beetles

How about a yak fur hat for yodelling and yakkety yakking with yaks

And finally a zulu hat for zipping around on zebras

Customer:
Oh what hats ! what hats !! Did you ever see?

So many splendid hats as these ?

I must have them all…I’ll take one of each

Don’t wrap them…………no

I’ll wear them now!!

So how do I look ,tell me how?

Salesman:
Tres Magnifique ….You’re looking swell,

My goodness me you wear hats well.

But can I say ?……… It must be said

YOU’VE GOT AN ALPHABET ON YOUR HEAD

Customer:
Quite so Quite so ,apon my head,
I’ve one of each as you have said
Quite so Quite so, from A-Z.
The talk of the town I’ll surely be.
Oh me Oh my I’m looking swell,
This hat I have will serve me well.
Now I have a hat for every occasion !!!!!

Salesman :
Hmn I hate to say it but so many hats may cost a lot
To wear so many at once will surely make your head feel hot and weigh you down
It will surely cause a frown when all those hats come tumbling down
I hate to say it but may I say
Deciding to wear hats that way
May not make for a happy day .

Customer:
Your right its true I do look grand but beneath this weigh I can barely stand and if I try to walk out the door
These hats will tumble to the floor
Oh dearie me Oh what to do ? 

I really need to think this through 

But wait ( points to a heart shaped hat with wings on the shelf ) whats that hat over there I spy  ?

Salesman:
Ah yes ,of course, silly me .I thought we had sold out of these
May I present our happy hearts hat
Our Chapeau de L’amour
One of our best sellers for sure

Customer:
This little hat is light as air 

A hat I can wear without a care  

Did you ever see a hat so fancy free 

With this hat every critter from A to Z
will surely want to play with me 

This is the hat I came to buy 

This is the hat  I need for me  

Now I really do have a hat for all occasions

Wendy Buss

THE END
Written by Wendy Buss © Completed 2019O

A Nightie Night Cap is neat for napping and nattering with newts .

Some Optical Ocean Goggles are ok for oggling octupi

A Pink Piggy Tail Panama is perfect for pollywollydoodling with
Politicians

A Querulous Quail hat is quite the thing for quarrelling with
Queens

Rainbow Ribbon hats are just right for Rockin and Rollin with
Rhinos

A Sassy Sombrero is super for sipping sarsaparilla with sleepy sloths

A Tall Topper is tops for tap dancing with tarantulas

An Umbrella Hat is useful for unicycling with unicorns .

We have Velvet Vanity Hats for vamping with Venetians or vampire bats 

A Wet Weather Sou’wester works well for whale watching .

An Xray vision hat is excellent  for examining Xmas beetles

How about a yak fur hat for yodelling and yakkety yakking with yaks

And finally a zulu hat for zipping around on zebras

Customer:
Oh what hats ! what hats !! Did you ever see?

So many splendid hats as these ?

I must have them all…I’ll take one of each

Don’t wrap them…………no

I’ll wear them now!!

So how do I look ,tell me how?

Salesman:
Tres Magnifique ….You’re looking swell,

My goodness me you wear hats well.

But can I say ?……… It must be said

YOU’VE GOT AN ALPHABET ON YOUR HEAD

Customer:
Quite so Quite so ,apon my head,
I’ve one of each as you have said
Quite so Quite so, from A-Z.
The talk of the town I’ll surely be.
Oh me Oh my I’m looking swell,
This hat I have will serve me well.
Now I have a hat for every occasion !!!!!

Salesman :
Hmn I hate to say it but so many hats may cost a lot
To wear so many at once will surely make your head feel hot and weigh you down
It will surely cause a frown when all those hats come tumbling down
I hate to say it but may I say
Deciding to wear hats that way
May not make for a happy day .

Customer:
Your right its true I do look grand but beneath this weigh I can barely stand and if I try to walk out the door
These hats will tumble to the floor
Oh dearie me Oh what to do ? 

I really need to think this through 

But wait ( points to a heart shaped hat with wings on the shelf ) whats that hat over there I spy  ?

Salesman:
Ah yes ,of course, silly me .I thought we had sold out of these
May I present our happy hearts hat
Our Chapeau de L’amour
One of our best sellers for sure

Customer:
This little hat is light as air 

A hat I can wear without a care  

Did you ever see a hat so fancy free ?

This is the hat I need for me 

With this hat every critter from A to Z
will surely want to play with me 

This is the hat I came to buy 

Now I really do have a hat for all occasions

 

THE END
Written by Wendy Buss © Completed 2019O

This project is in the early stages of illustration . Still al long way to go These acrylic paintings will need photographed and then need to to be set into a graphically designed background.